I started every pitch for the show with this video of me performing “Oops… I Did it Again,” not just because of its display of my attention to detail and showmanship at a young age, but also because I think it stands as the last time before I started overcompensating. I felt completely loved and safe. Not unsurprisingly, that love came from the women around me. My mom buying me Esmeralda dolls. My sisters painting my nails. My godmother Carmen letting me wear pajama pants on my head (it was my hair!). And then, I went to school. These things I loved were not received in the same way. A Lizzie McGuire monologue wouldn’t get applause from classmates. The color pink was a non-starter. And I completely lost all sense of who I was. I buried this kid and tried to destroy this footage. It served as a reminder of who I really am. I went to college and met women who made me feel safe again for the first time, in a very long time. I started to notice myself taking what felt like the BIGGEST risks at the time. My voice going higher. My hips? Swaying bitch! I took my best friend to a Dominoe’s and told her “I think I love men… should we get cinna-sticks?” The character Carmen, played by the brilliant Wally Baram, is named after my godmother Carmen Boyington. She passed away when I was in college. My biggest regret is that I never got to come out to her. And she never got to meet Terry. She would’ve loved him, and I know this show would’ve made her laugh, cry, and then tell me I have a nice ass. But I know this is all she wanted for me, to put the pajama pants back on my head. To blast Britney Spears and to make exactly what I want to make. Thank you prime video, a24, and strong baby for allowing me that privilege. I’m so lucky ❤️ I hope this show makes you laugh, cry, maybe get horny I don’t know, but I hope I make you proud. I made it for this kid and the kid in you that’s most likely been crushed from the smallest of comments, to the biggest of rejections. I hope you all find your Carmen. I am forever grateful to you for letting me get back to this kid. Love, Benny